Online dating biases
The need to search accompanies us all our lives. We are always looking for something and always consciously or intuitively understand the simple thing that the search can take place in one case - only if there is plenty to choose from. There is no choice, this way the search loses its meaning.
The question is how to lead the search.
Let's say you want to find a good used car. It is unlikely that it will occur to you to go out onto the street, go up to every car you like and ask the owner if he is going to sell it by accident.
Or are you looking for job, you probably will not go around all the companies, knock on the door and ask if they need a specialist.
Of course, you will contact some information center where you can choose what you were looking for. Previously, such centers were: newspaper, bulletin board, reference book.
The advent of the Internet has become a real success. The possibility of choice has expanded with it, as well as added efficiency and convenience.
It would seem that one should be happy with such modernization and apply it to all aspects of life, including the search for a partner.But there are often prejudices.
Prejudice 1. On the site I am confused that people are laid out as a commodities.
Let's look at it the other way. Imagine a real situation. Let's say a big party is planned, which you will soon go to.
Suppose you have guest lists and you decided to study these people. Look and see that among the familiar names and surnames there are unfamiliar ones.
You become interested and begin to make inquiries about who she (he) is, whether she (he) is married, whether she (he) has children, whether it is possible to see a picture, etc.
There is nothing unnatural, the normal situation, is not it?
So the site is essentially the same, the same lists, only everything is given first hand, in more detail and more structured.
So why in the first case doesn’t bother you, but in the second case does?
Prejudice 2. On the site acquaintance is somehow unnatural, there is no impromptu.
Yes, there are beautiful acquaintances that suddenly appear, about which they meaningly say that “this is fate”, “love at first sight”, etc.
But the problem is that this happens mainly in movies and novels.
It creates such a feeling, perhaps a superstition, that it should be so that if happiness suddenly
falls from sky - this is natural, but if you work hard yourself, purposefully search, then this is no longer natural.
But if you think rationally, it becomes clear that the likelihood that everything suddenly appears on your way will be very small.
What is the way out? The way out is that we need to expand these paths using modern technology, of course. So, here you need to decide what is more important for you: beauty or result.
Prejudice 3. People with communication problems come to these sites. Normal people find a mate without the Internet.
Yes, there are such people with psychocomplexes, but let's be aware that in general there are few of them and of those who are, as a rule, they are still very young, not strong in spirit (this site is aimed mainly at not young people)
If on dating sites there were mainly young people, then sites would have been closed for a long time due to a lack of people. And then, any sane person understands that the site will not communicate, care for him.
It only gives the first impetus, plays the role of assistant matchmaker. So the person who has really serious psycho-problems is unlikely to come to the site at all. And the one who came, for sure, is a sane person.
Prejudice 4. (female). Those who want to get sex gather on dating sites and not interested in anything else.
Yes, there is such a problem, but this does not apply to all men, and in general everything is known by comparison.
Well, why would it suddenly be more of such men on the site, than in real life?
After all, there is a natural selection - the least civilized men who are not able to learn how to use the Internet are simply screened out.
In fact, it is more difficult for a man to promote sex on a site than in real life. On the site, a man knows that one careless word and he can easily be blacklisted with a flick of the hand of an
interlocutor without the possibility to write further.Thus, a woman is more protected online than in real life.
Perhaps the problem is that on the network a person gives him(her)self out better than he (she) is, for example, more tactful, gentle, decent.
And then he (she) shows him(her)self on the other side.
But then again, when meeting someone, for example, at a disco, can't he (she) also be a different person? Perhaps women will object: but we don’t see them live on the site, but we see them at the disco.
We can advise on this before making a real meeting to make one or more video calls, for example, on Skype.
Prejudice 5. (male). On dating sites women care only about money.
Actually, this is the same as prejudice 4, only the male version. Here, apparently, we must understand that the fact that everyone has their own interests is normal. But many achieve them in a dishonest manner.
Use your experience, intuition and the blacklist button to help you. But the fact is that the off-site position in this regard is not better. At least more or less educated, competent people come to the site.
Prejudice 6. On dating sites, there are not many opportunities that exist in real life. You can’t lookin their eyes.
This question is solved simply. Before making an appointment outside the network, offer to make video calls. You can immediately report that video calls are mandatory for you.
There is also advice for those who really don’t like chatting on the network: in this case, avoid lingering relationships on the network, do not delay the moment of a real meeting, instead of this make an appointment. You will feel everything there and look in the eyes.
Prejudice 7. On dating sites it is impossible to see at a person in various situations.
We must not forget that what is happening on the site is not yet a complete acquaintance, and there is no such exchange of information at this stage and, moreover, it is not needed at all.
Again, compare with the real situation, when a preliminary acquaintance occurs without a site.
How many situations there can be experienced? Yes, practically none. So what is the difference?
On the contrary, using the site in obtaining primary information about a person, based on the impression of the first communication with him,
you have the opportunity to calmly direct any situation for the test, which you will apply in a future real meeting.
Prejudice 8. False photos are published in the site profiles.
On the Internet there are many services that solve this problem now. Type in Google keywords: "photo authentication", "age determination by photo", etc.
Prejudice 9. There are many scams on the site.
There are swindlers, it’s difficult to make a barrier during registration from them.
But in fact, not so much, since there are very few simpletons that the scammer may go about.
And it’s pretty easy to identify them.
At some point, some suspicious offer will come from them. We will not list, it talked a lot about this. The main thing is to observe basic precautions:
do not give your home address, phone number, passport information at least until a real meeting.
And everything that happens after the meeting can also happen without a site.
Prejudice 10. On dating sites, a person does not pretend to be who he (she) really is, shows him(her)self from the best side.
We would not want to repeat ourself, but we have to. Absolutely the same pattern of behavior exists outside the site. No more, no less.
The question probably should be posed like this: why is this felt most offensive when the acquaintance happened through the site?
There is the following answer, which does not claim, however, to be true. The psychological effect is triggered: when you make mistakes yourself - you allow yourself to be deceived,
then in this case the person is not inclined to be critical on him(her)self. But when some assistant took part and, at the same time,
something went wrong, it is often partially or completely responsible for it - it is psychologically easier.
This role of the assistant in this case is the site. So we get an unconscious indignation: "how is it, I trusted it (the site), and it givess me such a scoundrel".
Hence the widespread belief that rabble sits on dating sites.
Prejudice 11. Communication on the site sucks. A person becomes emotionally dependent on those with whom he (she) communicates.
If at the same time the goal for which you came to the site, is achieved, if at the same time you do not have any illusions about the interlocutor (s),
then let's try not to be so categorical - let the site "suck" you a little, if you are such an emotional person.
Enjoy the correspondence and do the job. The main thing is to keep the situation under control.
But if a lot of time has passed and the goal is not achieved, then you already need to understand that things are somehow going wrong, then this
option does not work for you and then try not to get stuck on the site, but immediately proceed to the meeting.
Good luck to all!